


Payback's a Frog

by AchillesMonkey



Series: FitzSimmons Fics [14]
Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/M, FitzSimmons - Freeform, Fluff, HuntingBird, Pranks and Practical Jokes, Rated for swearing, in that Bobbi and Hunter are still around, it's not that important why, or never left, takes place early season 4, they came back, they're just there
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-27
Updated: 2017-07-27
Packaged: 2018-12-07 15:58:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,792
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11626938
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AchillesMonkey/pseuds/AchillesMonkey
Summary: Written for the AoSFicNet 2.0's Mid-Year Fic Exchange.FitzSimmons get involved in a Huntingbird Prank War.





	Payback's a Frog

**Author's Note:**

  * For [stjarna](https://archiveofourown.org/users/stjarna/gifts).



> Based on the prompt: Incorporate this sentence into the dialogue of your fic “Care to explain why my bathtub is full of frogs?”

Fitz swiped his badge to unlock the door to his and Jemma’s room on the base. He’d spent the day working on the exploding pen Mack had requested, and he was covered in ink and minor burns. He was really looking forward to a long, hot bath to help him relax.

He entered the bedroom and found Jemma sitting on their bed with both a tablet and a laptop in front of her, mumbling to herself as she typed furiously. He undressed quietly, doing his best not to disturb her. Jemma’s new position as Special Advisor to the Director in Science and Technology had created a never-ending workload for her.

Fitz went into the bathroom and pulled back the shower curtain. He was reaching for the tap when he froze and fully processed what he was seeing. Frogs. The bathtub was full of frogs. _What the hell?_ One of the frogs let out a _ribbit_ and jumped, landing on Fitz’s still outstretched hand. He let out a loud shriek and frantically shook his hand to get it off. “SIMMONS!”

“Yes?” Jemma answered from the bedroom, sounding completely unconcerned.

Fitz opened the bathroom door to look at her. “Care to explain why my bathtub is full of frogs?”

“Oh, that,” Jemma said absently, still focused on the laptop in front of her.

“Yes, that!” Fitz said, putting his hands on his hips. A horrible thought occurred to him. “Please tell me they’re not for dissecting!” he begged. _Fuck, this will be the cat liver all over again._

“They’re not for dissecting,” Jemma reassured him, finally looking up. “Well, at least not until Bobbi’s finished with them.”

“Bobbi? What’s Bobbi going to do with a bunch of frogs? And why are they in our bathtub and not hers?”

“She wants to play a prank on Hunter,” Jemma explained. “He’s scared of frogs.”

“So she needs a bathtub full?”

“Yes,” Jemma said, her tone implying that he was being stupid for questioning the amount of frogs needed to frighten Hunter.

“But I was going to take a bath.” Fitz’s tone was quite close to whining.

Jemma rolled her eyes. “Ugh, Fitz! You can go shower in the locker rooms. We’ll have our bathtub back by tomorrow. Bobbi’s going to collect them while you and Hunter are at Radcliffe’s watching football, so don’t say anything to him, please. Now go take your shower and leave me be. I’m trying to explain structural biology in Director-friendly terms and I need to concentrate!”

Fitz pouted, but put on his dressing gown and grabbed his toiletry kit before making his way to the communal bathrooms. Next time he saw Bobbi, he was going to give her a piece of his mind!

~*~*~*~

Two days later, Fitz was back in the lab, not having had the chance to confront Bobbi like he wanted.

“Fitz! You’ll never _believe_ what Bobbi’s fucking done to me!” Hunter yelled as he stormed in. Several of the newer lab technicians quickly made themselves scarce.

“Does it have anything to do with frogs?” Fitz asked, not looking up from his work.

Hunter crossed his arms and squinted suspiciously at Fitz. “What makes you say that?”

Fitz leaned back in his chair and clasped his hands behind his head as he looked up at his best friend, pleased to finally have the chance to complain to someone. “The other day I was really looking forward to having a nice, hot bath after a long, hard day of work. I go back to my room, get ready for my bath, go into the bathroom, and what do I find in my tub?”

“ _Frogs_.” Hunter spit the word out as if it were a piece of some disgusting food he’d accidentally taken a bite of.

“Frogs,” Fitz confirmed with a nod. “And there weren’t just a couple of frogs. No, the whole tub was filled!”

“Believe me, mate, I know how many there were,” Hunter said, shuddering. “They were all over my room!” He leaned against Fitz’s desk. “So, you’re gonna help me prank her back, right?” Fitz didn’t answer right away. “Fitz, you gotta, mate! If your girlfriend can help my girlfriend prank me, then you can help me prank my girlfriend!”

“Fine,” Fitz said. Hunter let out a loud _whoop_ that scared off a couple more lab techs. “But right now I need you to leave before you drive the entire science division out of here. Meet me tonight at seven. We’ll go for a pint and figure it out.”

“Brilliant, mate!” Hunter cried, walking backwards out of the lab and shooting finger guns at Fitz. “First round’s on me!”

~*~*~*~

“Right,” Hunter said, sitting down at their table with two beers. He slid one over to Fitz. “What have you got?”

“Well,” Fitz said, pulling a small notebook out of his jacket pocket. “We could put something in her room that she hates,” he suggested.

“No,” Hunter rejected the idea immediately, shaking his head. “She’ll just accuse me of not being smart enough to think of an original prank.”

Fitz scratched that idea off the list. “We could steal something of hers and hide it in a really obscure location on base.”

“Maybe,” Hunter said. “What else?”

“We could switch out her supply of Cactus Cooler with something else.”

Hunter considered it. “That’s an option,” he said. “But what would we switch it with, and how?”

“What’s her least favorite drink?” Fitz asked.

“Sweet iced tea,” Hunter answered. “She ordered iced tea once when we first met in North Carolina. The waitress brought her sweet tea, and the face she made-” Hunter grinned at the memory. “I wish you could have seen it, mate.”

“I don’t blame her,” Fitz said. “I like my tea sweet, but iced tea is an abomination!”

“So, how do we swap out the drinks without her knowing?”

Fitz chewed on his thumbnail, staring at the table as he thought. “I think we’re gonna need to involve Jemma.”

“What? No!” Hunter cried. “Bad idea, mate! She’ll go straight to Bobbi and spill everything!”

“No, I don’t think so,” Fitz said. “Not if I ask her not to.”

“If you say so,” Hunter said, not looking very convinced.

“Okay, so first step in the plan is making the tea,” Fitz said, flipping to a fresh page in his notebook.

~*~*~*~

Jemma was still awake when Fitz arrived back to their room after his night out with Hunter. She was sitting, propped up against her pillows, flipping through the channels on the television. Fitz kicked off his shoes and flopped next to her on the bed, resting his head on her thigh.

“Hi,” she greeted him, turning off the television and running her fingers through his hair. “Did you and Hunter have fun?”

“Mmmhmm,” Fitz agreed, nudging at her hand when she stopped rubbing his head. “We have a plan,” he told her as she resumed her stroking, “to get back at Bobbi for the frogs.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah,” Fitz said. “We’re gonna need you to keep Bobbi occupied for us. And to not tell her anything, obviously.”

“All right,” Jemma agreed. “What’s your plan?”

“We’re gonna switch her Cactus Cooler with sweet iced tea,” Fitz told her. “It’s her least favorite drink.”

“I don’t blame her,” Jemma said. “Sweet tea is bad enough, but iced tea is an abomination!”

“That’s what I said!”

“How long do you need me to keep her occupied?”

“Few hours?”

“I can do that,” Jemma told him. She stopped stroking his hair and patted his arm. “Go get ready for bed, love.”

Fitz groaned, but got out of bed and began to undress. “There aren’t any more frogs, right?” he checked with Jemma before going into the bathroom.

“No, Fitz,” Jemma said, smiling gently at him. “No more frogs.”

~*~*~*~

On their next day off, they put their plan into action. Jemma approached Bobbi in the kitchen while the agent was eating breakfast. “Bobbi, I was wondering if you might help me with something today; if you’re not busy, that is.”

“Sure,” Bobbi agreed. “What is it?”

“I was hoping you might go shopping with me? I want to buy something sexy to surprise Fitz, but I could really use another woman’s opinion on what to get.”

“Okay,” Bobbi said. “I’ll meet you at the entrance in half-an-hour?”

Jemma nodded. “Thanks, Bobbi.”

She left the kitchen and went back to her room where Fitz and Hunter were waiting. “Hunter, get your shoes off the bed,” Jemma ordered as she entered.

The man sat up and moved so that his feet rested on the ground. “Were you able to distract her?” Hunter asked.

Jemma nodded. “We’ll be leaving in half-an-hour, and I’m pretty sure I can keep her busy until after lunch.”

“Fitz, your girlfriend’s the coolest!” Hunter announced.

“Yeah, she’s all right,” Fitz agreed, grinning proudly behind Hunter’s back.

Once Bobbi and Jemma had left, Fitz and Hunter got to work. Hunter was in charge of making the sweet tea, while Fitz collected all of Bobbi’s drinks from the mini-fridge in her room and took them to the workshop in order to drain them. He made sure to drain all the Cactus Cooler liquid into a container for Hunter to give to Bobbi later. He and Hunter weren’t cruel enough to pour her favorite drink down the drain.

Hunter brought the sweet tea into the workshop and they got to work dividing it between the cans. Fitz resealed the aluminum tabs and they put the cans back into Bobbi’s mini-fridge. They were finished before lunch.

“Why don’t we give the girls a call?” Hunter suggested. “Meet them for lunch?”

“All right,” Fitz agreed.

Hunter texted Bobbi and then started laughing at her reply. “She wants me to bring her a Cactus Cooler,” he explained once he noticed Fitz’s questioning look.

~*~*~*~

Fitz and Hunter met Jemma and Bobbi at a local café. The women had already found a table outside, and both smiled brightly at their boyfriends as they sat down.

“Here you go, love,” Hunter said, placing a can of Cactus Cooler in front of Bobbi.

“Thanks, Hunter,” Bobbi said.

Fitz glanced nervously at Jemma as Bobbi opened the drink. She took a sip and Fitz had to bite his lip to stop himself from laughing at the disgusted face she made.

“Hunter,” Bobbi’s tone was dangerous, “what did you do?”

“Payback’s a bitch,” Hunter told her, smirking. “Or should I say, a frog?”

“Damn it, Hunter!” Bobbi yelled. Fitz let out a snicker and she turned to glare at him. “I suppose you helped him with this?”

“I like my baths frog free,” Fitz told her.

Bobbi sat back in her chair and crossed her arms. “Congratulations, boys. You’ve started a war.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading, and for any comments/kudos! Feel free to check out my [Tumblr](http://unlessimwrongwhichyouknowimnot.tumblr.com). I'm open to prompts (especially FitzSimmons prompts for the Engineering vs. Biochem challenge).


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